To adopt, or not to adopt
So, my mom's best friend Cindy is really in the network as far as adoption is concerned. She has a non-profit organization called Chosen and she organizes adoption camps. This last year she helped a couple adopt a child from a woman who was pregnant.
So anyway, she knows about this other woman who is pregnant and asked Jeff and I if we were interested. The woman is 29, single and has 4 children already. She doesn't want to have an abortion, but feels like she can't afford or manage to have another child on her own.
I gave Cindy the adoption book that Jeff and I made on Shutterfly this summer. It shows Jeff and I, our interests, our house, our family and our friends. Cindy will bring the book down to Grants Pass to show it to the mother. Jeff is really excited about the opportunity and I am too, as far as adoption opportunities go.
Also, we heard back from DHS, from the woman who is writing our home study. She is now finishing it up and told us she would be back to us soon to ask us some more questions.
But, I am also having reservations. I stay at school so late. I don't think it would be very manageable to have small infant children, or toddler children and a full time job as well. I don't know how moms do it. I think I would go crazy. Maybe I am more of a type A personality then I ever knew. Would I ever be able to clean my house? Would I get to sleep? When would I cook? When would I shop? I foresee getting really frustrated with Jeff because of his clutter ... etc. Would I ever get to exercise? Jeff and I have talked about how I could work part-time, but I'm not sure that it is very realistic, just because my school district seems to frown on hiring part-time teachers and we have quite a few at my school already. Also I feel pretty attached to my money, especially now that the economy is not doing so well. I feel like my job is fairly secure. So I feel like I should do what I can to keep it, after all there may come a time when people will need some help, like my mother or my sister or my friends. Wouldn't it be nice if somebody had some extra time and money to help people out when they are in need?
Then also I have been feeling overwhelmed lately with what I am expecting myself to do in my classroom. It is already near the end of the first trimester. I am spending a lot of my instructional time giving my students this universal screening test. I feel frustrated, because I feel like there is no end in sight. Before I started giving them these tests I had already met with my students in informal reading conferences and I had talked about goals that I had for them. Now I feel like I don't have the chance to teach them because I am so busy assessing them. My prime time to teach and give individualized support to students has been eaten up by assessing. I am frustrated. And I feel like my kids are not where last year's teachers said they were, so now I need to break this unhappy news to parents at conferences. Not so exciting. And I haven't had much time to teach students on my own.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Fall Memories
This weekend I headed down to Wilbur, Ore. where my grandparents live for the Old Methodist Church's Christmas bazaar. This is the third year where I have helped at their holiday bazaar. I go for selfish reasons. It is a great time to have my grandparent's attention all to myself. I get to have one on one time with them and it is so special.
I drove down Friday night after school and really enjoyed the crystal clear blue sky and shockingly bright fall trees. Nanny had dinner ready for me when I got there and she made a cake just for me. I had to have a piece!
Then on Saturday morning they took me out to breakfast at the Del Rey Cafe -- their favorite breakfast spot. Next we headed to the church for the bazaar that started at 9 a.m. When we got there at 8:30 a.m. there were already local ladies starting to line up.
I have to tell you a little about the church. I started going there when I lived in Wilbur when I was 3 years old. I attended from the age of 3 to 3rd grade. My kindergarten teachers Helen Woods and Mary Wise attended there. I have them to thank for getting me off to a great start educationally. They ran a private kindergarten. There were 9 children in my afternoon kindergarten class and two teachers. What a great ratio! They reminded me of the fairy godmothers on Sleeping Beauty. Mary always wore a blue polyester dress with white functional nurse-like shoes. Anyway ...
The church is on Oregon's historical register, because it used to be a one-room church. It has stained glass windows and a bell tower. My grandpa rings the bell and serves as an usher there on Sundays. My grandma plays the organ every Sunday. They also make sure the grass is mowed every week. I recognize a lot of the people there. I didn't used to know all their names, because a lot of the people who went there when I was a little girl have passed away. There are just a couple that are still there that I remember from the old days. But since I have helped out at the bazaar for the past couple of years, I know a lot of names. There are about 48 older folks that attend church there every Sunday.
Anyway, I was given just about every job in the place. They wanted me to clear tables, be a greeter, be a cashier, be a bagger, help carry out heavy loads for shoppers and put boxes of goods in the sanctuary for people who were still shopping but couldn't carry their loads. I kept pretty busy for most of the day.
When we opened the doors at 9 a.m. there were probably about 30 women lined up ready to buy. All the items there were handmade. Here are some of the things that were there: quilts, dishtowels, embroidered pillowcases, dolls, booties, scarves, bread, cookies, cakes, and so much more. The women work all year long making things for this bazaar. It's incredible.
They made over $5,000 this year. Everything they make goes to charities like Habitat for Humanity, Holt, and a cancer camp for children. I budgeted money and spent a wad, too. I got embroidered dishtowels, jellies and jams, potholders and loaves of pumpkin bread. Yum! I also ate a piece of homemade apple pie and a cup of coffee.
I had a great weekend. It was like stepping back in time and into my memories of being a child. It reminds me how much I love my grandparents and just how special they are to me.
This weekend I headed down to Wilbur, Ore. where my grandparents live for the Old Methodist Church's Christmas bazaar. This is the third year where I have helped at their holiday bazaar. I go for selfish reasons. It is a great time to have my grandparent's attention all to myself. I get to have one on one time with them and it is so special.
I drove down Friday night after school and really enjoyed the crystal clear blue sky and shockingly bright fall trees. Nanny had dinner ready for me when I got there and she made a cake just for me. I had to have a piece!
Then on Saturday morning they took me out to breakfast at the Del Rey Cafe -- their favorite breakfast spot. Next we headed to the church for the bazaar that started at 9 a.m. When we got there at 8:30 a.m. there were already local ladies starting to line up.
I have to tell you a little about the church. I started going there when I lived in Wilbur when I was 3 years old. I attended from the age of 3 to 3rd grade. My kindergarten teachers Helen Woods and Mary Wise attended there. I have them to thank for getting me off to a great start educationally. They ran a private kindergarten. There were 9 children in my afternoon kindergarten class and two teachers. What a great ratio! They reminded me of the fairy godmothers on Sleeping Beauty. Mary always wore a blue polyester dress with white functional nurse-like shoes. Anyway ...
The church is on Oregon's historical register, because it used to be a one-room church. It has stained glass windows and a bell tower. My grandpa rings the bell and serves as an usher there on Sundays. My grandma plays the organ every Sunday. They also make sure the grass is mowed every week. I recognize a lot of the people there. I didn't used to know all their names, because a lot of the people who went there when I was a little girl have passed away. There are just a couple that are still there that I remember from the old days. But since I have helped out at the bazaar for the past couple of years, I know a lot of names. There are about 48 older folks that attend church there every Sunday.
Anyway, I was given just about every job in the place. They wanted me to clear tables, be a greeter, be a cashier, be a bagger, help carry out heavy loads for shoppers and put boxes of goods in the sanctuary for people who were still shopping but couldn't carry their loads. I kept pretty busy for most of the day.
When we opened the doors at 9 a.m. there were probably about 30 women lined up ready to buy. All the items there were handmade. Here are some of the things that were there: quilts, dishtowels, embroidered pillowcases, dolls, booties, scarves, bread, cookies, cakes, and so much more. The women work all year long making things for this bazaar. It's incredible.
They made over $5,000 this year. Everything they make goes to charities like Habitat for Humanity, Holt, and a cancer camp for children. I budgeted money and spent a wad, too. I got embroidered dishtowels, jellies and jams, potholders and loaves of pumpkin bread. Yum! I also ate a piece of homemade apple pie and a cup of coffee.
I had a great weekend. It was like stepping back in time and into my memories of being a child. It reminds me how much I love my grandparents and just how special they are to me.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
First Day of School
Today was a fun day. What a relief! Jeff prayed for me a lot today and I think that made a difference (I did quite a bit of praying, too). Everything went smoothly. All my materials were in the right place. I had my student teacher there, so she helped me prepare materials. The kids were very quiet. They did their work. They walked quietly in their line. They didn't call out (much). And we got to have some fun.
But there is more work to be done. I need to focus on being firm and consistent with classroom management. I don't have my student's names down yet. I need to get to know them better as the days go by.
To be honest, it's hard to blog about my students or my class, because of confidentiality concerns. So that is all you get. Sorry, but know that I had a fun day!
Today was a fun day. What a relief! Jeff prayed for me a lot today and I think that made a difference (I did quite a bit of praying, too). Everything went smoothly. All my materials were in the right place. I had my student teacher there, so she helped me prepare materials. The kids were very quiet. They did their work. They walked quietly in their line. They didn't call out (much). And we got to have some fun.
But there is more work to be done. I need to focus on being firm and consistent with classroom management. I don't have my student's names down yet. I need to get to know them better as the days go by.
To be honest, it's hard to blog about my students or my class, because of confidentiality concerns. So that is all you get. Sorry, but know that I had a fun day!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Back to school
Yesterday was my first full day back as a paid teacher. I sat through a long day of staff development on professional learning communities. It was held at my church, which was interesting. I think my school district chose our church because it is centrally located and the sanctuary has a big space for round tables. We also have great screens for a power point presentation. I thought it was a cool opportunity. A lot of people went to my church, stepped foot in the door, that might never go there otherwise and I got to invite a couple girls to church. I told them what Jeff does as a pastor. I explained what we were learning about in church during this series. But the real clincher, I told them we serve Starbuck's coffee for free. The church even has free half-n-half (That was a real selling point). I also told them I would be volunteering at the coffee bar on Saturday nights. I told them that church is a great way to entertain yourself on Saturday nights for free. "My husband and I save a lot of money by not going out on Saturday nights." It's true, too.
Today I met the student teacher who will be in my class teaching a science unit this semester. She goes to Cascade College. After I met her at the Butler Creek parking lot, we drove over to CHS. We heard the superintendent's address and then listened to union reps tell us a little about the new teaching contract. Then I went back to my school for a school meeting and time to work in my classroom.
This year I have 28 children in my classroom: 17 boys and 11 girls. I am a little intimidated by the number of children in my class, and specifically by the number of boys. I am hoping that my 5 years of classroom experience will make a difference. We'll see. I am hoping and praying that I will not let any of the children slip through the cracks -- that all of them will make the progress they need to make, that they make growth in reading, writing and math. I hope it will not be another repeat of the year before last. That was rough.
One of my students this year has Down Syndrome. I will have an aide in my classroom to help me out with him; actually two different aides. One of them is a new hire. I thought it was interesting that she used to work for DHS for 8 years. I am not exactly sure what she did with them. Right now she is also a foster mom, too. When I met her she said she recognized me, so I asked her if she went to church. She said she attended Abundant Life. Small world, huh? She also knows my sister-in-law, Leslie.
I wonder if God is bringing people into my life to prepare me for adoption? I am planning on making an appointment to talk to a counselor about my infertility and preparing for adoption. I want to unload my baggage, grieve my losses and move on, if possible.
I have also realized something else, my dear pregnant and mother friends. Having pregnant friends, family members and co-workers may be the closest I ever get to being pregnant myself. This is my chance to experience pregnancy vicariously through people that I love. So I should enjoy the stories, the parties, and buying the cute little clothes. This is my chance to enjoy them, too. A good thing to realize.
Peace out!
Yesterday was my first full day back as a paid teacher. I sat through a long day of staff development on professional learning communities. It was held at my church, which was interesting. I think my school district chose our church because it is centrally located and the sanctuary has a big space for round tables. We also have great screens for a power point presentation. I thought it was a cool opportunity. A lot of people went to my church, stepped foot in the door, that might never go there otherwise and I got to invite a couple girls to church. I told them what Jeff does as a pastor. I explained what we were learning about in church during this series. But the real clincher, I told them we serve Starbuck's coffee for free. The church even has free half-n-half (That was a real selling point). I also told them I would be volunteering at the coffee bar on Saturday nights. I told them that church is a great way to entertain yourself on Saturday nights for free. "My husband and I save a lot of money by not going out on Saturday nights." It's true, too.
Today I met the student teacher who will be in my class teaching a science unit this semester. She goes to Cascade College. After I met her at the Butler Creek parking lot, we drove over to CHS. We heard the superintendent's address and then listened to union reps tell us a little about the new teaching contract. Then I went back to my school for a school meeting and time to work in my classroom.
This year I have 28 children in my classroom: 17 boys and 11 girls. I am a little intimidated by the number of children in my class, and specifically by the number of boys. I am hoping that my 5 years of classroom experience will make a difference. We'll see. I am hoping and praying that I will not let any of the children slip through the cracks -- that all of them will make the progress they need to make, that they make growth in reading, writing and math. I hope it will not be another repeat of the year before last. That was rough.
One of my students this year has Down Syndrome. I will have an aide in my classroom to help me out with him; actually two different aides. One of them is a new hire. I thought it was interesting that she used to work for DHS for 8 years. I am not exactly sure what she did with them. Right now she is also a foster mom, too. When I met her she said she recognized me, so I asked her if she went to church. She said she attended Abundant Life. Small world, huh? She also knows my sister-in-law, Leslie.
I wonder if God is bringing people into my life to prepare me for adoption? I am planning on making an appointment to talk to a counselor about my infertility and preparing for adoption. I want to unload my baggage, grieve my losses and move on, if possible.
I have also realized something else, my dear pregnant and mother friends. Having pregnant friends, family members and co-workers may be the closest I ever get to being pregnant myself. This is my chance to experience pregnancy vicariously through people that I love. So I should enjoy the stories, the parties, and buying the cute little clothes. This is my chance to enjoy them, too. A good thing to realize.
Peace out!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Is summer almost over? 29 days left!
I have been painting quite a bit over the last week. I painted my kitchen a light green color and then a darker green shade over my couch. Now it is time to do the work of repainting the rest of the walls in the main part of the house downstairs. It's hard for me to pour the paint from the 5 gallon container, so I think I will finish what I started after the pastors wives prayer meeting tonight. Then I won't get so hot from the light coming in through the windows and then I will have Jeff around to help me steady the container as I pour.
And now for what you really wanted to know: I found out on Friday that I am not pregnant -- again. I went in for my annual pap smear and convinced the nurse practitioner to give me a blood test so that I could know early. After all I was using vaginal progesterone suppositories that would delay my period. Poor Jeff. He has had to sit through so many tears. I really don't consider myself to be a big crier. Most of my life, I haven't been. But infertility really brings it out in me. Maybe I was too proud about my cryless state. Now I don't go long without crying -- possibly every third day. And let me tell you, everyone can get pregnant except me. Three of my closest friends are pregnant with their third child. I try not to be happy and not bitter, but it is hard. My verse: The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Now Jeff and I have gone to 4 of our adoption classes. Sometimes I really feel like God is leading us into adoption and we are not having children because adoption is his will for our lives. But then yesterday I read a really discouraging article in Newsweek magazine about a foster child who was adopted. His name was Larry King. His birth mother was addicted to drugs and that is how he came into care. He had an attachment disorder. He come out as gay in 6th grade and he was very flamboyant. He wore makeup, glitter and stillettos. In middle school, another child (also a foster care child) came to school and shot Larry and killed him. Larry was harassing this kid Brandon. He was staring at him, he had a crush on him and Larry asked him if he would be his Valentine. I can't convey how discouraging this article was. I think the reason I started to get discouraged is I started thinking about the kids I have had in my class who have been abused at home, bullied and how they are similar to Larry. How they need attention. How they have terrible social skills. But I did have two students in my class this year who were adopted through the foster system, and they weren't that horrible. They were just kids. They had issues, but they also had friends.
The reason I feel like maybe we should adopt is that I felt like God was prompting me during a sermon probably over a year ago. Pastor George was talking about Peter stepping out of the boat and George asked, "Where do you feel like you need to step out of the boat in your life?" I feel like adopting a foster child is stepping out of the boat for sure. Why? Because it is not safe, it is not risk free. I feel like I am guaranteed to fail, but that if I keep my eyes on Jesus, he will steady me. He will redeem my feeble attempts to love and discipline a broken child. I also feel like I am called as one of Jesus' followers to take care of the fatherless. I can't justify spending money I don't have for invetero or foreign adoption when so many children in Oregon are neglected and abused. They are God's children, too. And he loves them fiercely.
It is hard when people tell me it's not a good idea. I have been reading this great book on adoption called Labor of Love and the author of that wrote that people should think long and hard before they adopt a child from the state. Grrr. So I am thinking -- long and hard.
What is frustrating is that my life will not get easier when I have a child. I have been waiting so long and the child I have will not be an easy one, but yet that is what I think God might be calling me to... we shall see.
I have been painting quite a bit over the last week. I painted my kitchen a light green color and then a darker green shade over my couch. Now it is time to do the work of repainting the rest of the walls in the main part of the house downstairs. It's hard for me to pour the paint from the 5 gallon container, so I think I will finish what I started after the pastors wives prayer meeting tonight. Then I won't get so hot from the light coming in through the windows and then I will have Jeff around to help me steady the container as I pour.
And now for what you really wanted to know: I found out on Friday that I am not pregnant -- again. I went in for my annual pap smear and convinced the nurse practitioner to give me a blood test so that I could know early. After all I was using vaginal progesterone suppositories that would delay my period. Poor Jeff. He has had to sit through so many tears. I really don't consider myself to be a big crier. Most of my life, I haven't been. But infertility really brings it out in me. Maybe I was too proud about my cryless state. Now I don't go long without crying -- possibly every third day. And let me tell you, everyone can get pregnant except me. Three of my closest friends are pregnant with their third child. I try not to be happy and not bitter, but it is hard. My verse: The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Now Jeff and I have gone to 4 of our adoption classes. Sometimes I really feel like God is leading us into adoption and we are not having children because adoption is his will for our lives. But then yesterday I read a really discouraging article in Newsweek magazine about a foster child who was adopted. His name was Larry King. His birth mother was addicted to drugs and that is how he came into care. He had an attachment disorder. He come out as gay in 6th grade and he was very flamboyant. He wore makeup, glitter and stillettos. In middle school, another child (also a foster care child) came to school and shot Larry and killed him. Larry was harassing this kid Brandon. He was staring at him, he had a crush on him and Larry asked him if he would be his Valentine. I can't convey how discouraging this article was. I think the reason I started to get discouraged is I started thinking about the kids I have had in my class who have been abused at home, bullied and how they are similar to Larry. How they need attention. How they have terrible social skills. But I did have two students in my class this year who were adopted through the foster system, and they weren't that horrible. They were just kids. They had issues, but they also had friends.
The reason I feel like maybe we should adopt is that I felt like God was prompting me during a sermon probably over a year ago. Pastor George was talking about Peter stepping out of the boat and George asked, "Where do you feel like you need to step out of the boat in your life?" I feel like adopting a foster child is stepping out of the boat for sure. Why? Because it is not safe, it is not risk free. I feel like I am guaranteed to fail, but that if I keep my eyes on Jesus, he will steady me. He will redeem my feeble attempts to love and discipline a broken child. I also feel like I am called as one of Jesus' followers to take care of the fatherless. I can't justify spending money I don't have for invetero or foreign adoption when so many children in Oregon are neglected and abused. They are God's children, too. And he loves them fiercely.
It is hard when people tell me it's not a good idea. I have been reading this great book on adoption called Labor of Love and the author of that wrote that people should think long and hard before they adopt a child from the state. Grrr. So I am thinking -- long and hard.
What is frustrating is that my life will not get easier when I have a child. I have been waiting so long and the child I have will not be an easy one, but yet that is what I think God might be calling me to... we shall see.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Day 13
So, here is where it becomes frustrating. Today I woke up and my temperature was 97.8. Yesterday it was 97.1. That is a rise of .7 degrees. Usually a rise of .6 signifies ovulation. So have I already ovulated? I take my first ovulation test today. I guess I just need to relax. One blessing is that there hasn't been any pain or weird feelings or emotions with the clomid.
Yesterday I took my nieces and nephew bowling, on a picnic and to the library. Then I helped out with Super Summer Spectacular. It was a full, fun day.
Today I am going to a Rigby training with my fellow teacher Nancy. We are hopefully going to learn what things the curriculum has to offer to teach reading. Tonight Jeff and I go to our first adoption class. I think I need to read my Bible.
So, here is where it becomes frustrating. Today I woke up and my temperature was 97.8. Yesterday it was 97.1. That is a rise of .7 degrees. Usually a rise of .6 signifies ovulation. So have I already ovulated? I take my first ovulation test today. I guess I just need to relax. One blessing is that there hasn't been any pain or weird feelings or emotions with the clomid.
Yesterday I took my nieces and nephew bowling, on a picnic and to the library. Then I helped out with Super Summer Spectacular. It was a full, fun day.
Today I am going to a Rigby training with my fellow teacher Nancy. We are hopefully going to learn what things the curriculum has to offer to teach reading. Tonight Jeff and I go to our first adoption class. I think I need to read my Bible.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Trips to Seaside and Roseburg
Have you ever had a vacation where you don't have a plan? Jeff and I usually take vacations where every moment is planned. Not so this time.
We went to Seaside, OR and stayed in a house generously loaned to us by a couple from the church. We brought games, we took walks, we read, we ate out and we enjoyed cable television. Since we don't have cable at home, that was a big perk. The house was tastefully coordinated in a beach appropriate theme. It had a backyard that Boston absolutely loved. It made me more serious about trying to save money for a down payment on a house that has a yard. It's always something, isn't it?
We had a really good time. One of the best parts was that Jeff's brother, Scott; his wife, Leslie; and little Jada met us on Saturday. Then his parents met us Saturday night bringing a tasty array of snacks. We had a nice time enjoying the great weather at the beach. Since there was a heat wave going on in Portland it was nice to be away from our un-air conditioned townhouse.
Then we came back on Monday. I had an interview for a job at the City of Gresham as a program technician. I didn't get the position, but to be completely honest, I feel like I sabotaged the interview a bit. However, I think that they probably had someone who was a better fit for the position. Even though it would be nice to have made a little more money this summer, I am glad that I will have time to help my mom paint her cupboards and also a little time for me to paint my walls, too.
On Tuesday, I headed down to Wilbur, OR where my grandparents live to see Nanny, Papa and my mom. My mom goes down one week a month to work as a hair stylist. She has clients down there because she lived there for about 6 years before she moved to Portland. It was nice to see my grandma and grandpa. I feel like my time with them is very special. This year my grandma had some health problems and I was afraid we might lose her. So time is precious.
My grandma spoiled me. How? She paid for me to have a pedicure with in Sutherlin and she took me to breakfast twice. While I was there I also saw my Uncle Donald (he is my grandma's brother). He also is not doing well. He is a diabetic and is having all kinds of problems. One of them is an infection on his foot, which may mean he could lose a leg. I have lost my hearing in one ear, and that was pretty frustrating. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to lose a foot.
I found out some things about my family that I didn't realize before this trip. First of all, I didn't realize that my grandma and grandpa had brought a little girl into their family as a foster child. I remember seeing pictures of her in the family photo album. And now I finally know who she was. It was nice to hear from my grandma about her experience being a foster parent. She said she would have adopted Marianne if she could have, but Marianne went back to her mom.
Then I also found out that Michael, my uncle Donald's son, was adopted from Korea. I don't know why I didn't realize this before. Donald is white, his ex-wife Yo, was Japanese. I assumed that Michael was a their child. I talked with Donald about adopting today. He said it was a heart-breaking experience for him. Michael was a loving and affectionate child, but at age 11 he started taking drugs. I know that Michael also was in jail and Michael is dead now. I asked Uncle Donald if he would have adopted again if he had the opportunity to do it all over again. He said, "That is a hard question. I think I would think about it a lot more."
I also learned about my mom's cousin, Jodi, who also adopted two kids from the state. My mom said one of the children turned out fine, but one of them ended up molesting other children -- one of the younger cousins in the family. Now they have to supervise this boy and keep watch so he doesn't hurt other children. Yikes. That would be absolutely horrible.
I asked my mom what she thought I should do. Her advice: Don't do anything until you know that God wants you to do it. And also: Seek God. She thought maybe I didn't get the job because God wants me to have time to seek him.
Good advice, I think.
I think I have been pushing Jeff a little too hard, because I want a baby now, now, now. Whenever we have a conversation, I tend to drive it babyward. So, I need to be patient. I need to pray for God's leading on Jeff's heart (Jeff already asked me to do pray for him, now I just need to do it). Because if Jeff and I are on the same page, surely it is God's leading.
On Monday before we left for Seaside, Jeff and I had a meeting with a new doctor at OHSU. She's not really a new doctor. She treated me when I had a miscarriage last fall and she went above and beyond the call of duty to comfort, reassure and find answers for me. So we decided to switch from a previous doctor to her.
We went to her to ask her what our chances are, what our problem is, what the next steps would be, et cetera. She said it is not Jeff alone. She suggested a test that we could take. She said the problem is unexplained infertility. She suggested that we could do a couple more rounds of clomid plus progesterone. So that is what we are doing.
Today is Day 1 in my cycle. I got my period right after I enjoyed a delicious breakfast of crepes with mixed berry compote, apple sausage and scrambled eggs (and a cup of coffee -- hopefully my last during this new cycle). I called in my prescription for clomid today and I will start taking it this Monday.
I told Jeff on the way to the beach that I was done trying to get pregnant, but he said, "I'm not."
I am amazed at our ability to hope despite setbacks in the past. We will also be taking our adoption classes this month and continuing to fill out our paperwork. I pray that God will do his will to guide and direct our steps.
Have you ever had a vacation where you don't have a plan? Jeff and I usually take vacations where every moment is planned. Not so this time.
We went to Seaside, OR and stayed in a house generously loaned to us by a couple from the church. We brought games, we took walks, we read, we ate out and we enjoyed cable television. Since we don't have cable at home, that was a big perk. The house was tastefully coordinated in a beach appropriate theme. It had a backyard that Boston absolutely loved. It made me more serious about trying to save money for a down payment on a house that has a yard. It's always something, isn't it?
We had a really good time. One of the best parts was that Jeff's brother, Scott; his wife, Leslie; and little Jada met us on Saturday. Then his parents met us Saturday night bringing a tasty array of snacks. We had a nice time enjoying the great weather at the beach. Since there was a heat wave going on in Portland it was nice to be away from our un-air conditioned townhouse.
Then we came back on Monday. I had an interview for a job at the City of Gresham as a program technician. I didn't get the position, but to be completely honest, I feel like I sabotaged the interview a bit. However, I think that they probably had someone who was a better fit for the position. Even though it would be nice to have made a little more money this summer, I am glad that I will have time to help my mom paint her cupboards and also a little time for me to paint my walls, too.
On Tuesday, I headed down to Wilbur, OR where my grandparents live to see Nanny, Papa and my mom. My mom goes down one week a month to work as a hair stylist. She has clients down there because she lived there for about 6 years before she moved to Portland. It was nice to see my grandma and grandpa. I feel like my time with them is very special. This year my grandma had some health problems and I was afraid we might lose her. So time is precious.
My grandma spoiled me. How? She paid for me to have a pedicure with in Sutherlin and she took me to breakfast twice. While I was there I also saw my Uncle Donald (he is my grandma's brother). He also is not doing well. He is a diabetic and is having all kinds of problems. One of them is an infection on his foot, which may mean he could lose a leg. I have lost my hearing in one ear, and that was pretty frustrating. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to lose a foot.
I found out some things about my family that I didn't realize before this trip. First of all, I didn't realize that my grandma and grandpa had brought a little girl into their family as a foster child. I remember seeing pictures of her in the family photo album. And now I finally know who she was. It was nice to hear from my grandma about her experience being a foster parent. She said she would have adopted Marianne if she could have, but Marianne went back to her mom.
Then I also found out that Michael, my uncle Donald's son, was adopted from Korea. I don't know why I didn't realize this before. Donald is white, his ex-wife Yo, was Japanese. I assumed that Michael was a their child. I talked with Donald about adopting today. He said it was a heart-breaking experience for him. Michael was a loving and affectionate child, but at age 11 he started taking drugs. I know that Michael also was in jail and Michael is dead now. I asked Uncle Donald if he would have adopted again if he had the opportunity to do it all over again. He said, "That is a hard question. I think I would think about it a lot more."
I also learned about my mom's cousin, Jodi, who also adopted two kids from the state. My mom said one of the children turned out fine, but one of them ended up molesting other children -- one of the younger cousins in the family. Now they have to supervise this boy and keep watch so he doesn't hurt other children. Yikes. That would be absolutely horrible.
I asked my mom what she thought I should do. Her advice: Don't do anything until you know that God wants you to do it. And also: Seek God. She thought maybe I didn't get the job because God wants me to have time to seek him.
Good advice, I think.
I think I have been pushing Jeff a little too hard, because I want a baby now, now, now. Whenever we have a conversation, I tend to drive it babyward. So, I need to be patient. I need to pray for God's leading on Jeff's heart (Jeff already asked me to do pray for him, now I just need to do it). Because if Jeff and I are on the same page, surely it is God's leading.
On Monday before we left for Seaside, Jeff and I had a meeting with a new doctor at OHSU. She's not really a new doctor. She treated me when I had a miscarriage last fall and she went above and beyond the call of duty to comfort, reassure and find answers for me. So we decided to switch from a previous doctor to her.
We went to her to ask her what our chances are, what our problem is, what the next steps would be, et cetera. She said it is not Jeff alone. She suggested a test that we could take. She said the problem is unexplained infertility. She suggested that we could do a couple more rounds of clomid plus progesterone. So that is what we are doing.
Today is Day 1 in my cycle. I got my period right after I enjoyed a delicious breakfast of crepes with mixed berry compote, apple sausage and scrambled eggs (and a cup of coffee -- hopefully my last during this new cycle). I called in my prescription for clomid today and I will start taking it this Monday.
I told Jeff on the way to the beach that I was done trying to get pregnant, but he said, "I'm not."
I am amazed at our ability to hope despite setbacks in the past. We will also be taking our adoption classes this month and continuing to fill out our paperwork. I pray that God will do his will to guide and direct our steps.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Things That Make Me Feel Good
Today I read a book (or most of the book, I will finish at bedtime) about a 17-year-old girl who got addicted to meth. Her dad was a retired LA police officer and he did all he could, along with his wife, to bring his daughter out of her addiction.
It left me feeling like 1) I need to do something about the meth addiction in this region. Christians seem to spend so much energy trying not to sin, instead of using their energy to do something good. 2) I am hoping that we go through with the adoption thing (maybe adopt a child whose life has been affected by meth). I am beginning to feel nervous that we will get pregnant and that would ruin my plan to adopt. I feel like Jeff would want to back track and not want to adopt ... and now I want to adopt. But really, honestly, I don't feel too nervous about getting pregnant.
Last night I was going through this workbook on adoption called Labor of Love and one of the things you were supposed to do was write a list of 5 things that make you happy. Then you were supposed to do one of those things right away and another one before you went to bed. I didn't, do that, but I just wanted you to know what the assignment was.
One thing that makes me feel good is serving at my church. I admit that a lot of the time I don't want to go when it's time. It's sort of like going to the gym... I know I should do it and when I do I feel good when I leave.
Right now I help out in the nursery two services a weekend. Then I help Jeff lead a study for new believers called Starting Point during one of the services. I love helping in the nursery. Someone once asked me if it was too painful to be with babies. My answer: "No, it's not."
I like cuddling with them. I like it when they know me and reach out for me. I also don't mind if they don't like me and they are hard to handle. Because then I end up going home and thinking, "That was hard. I'm going to go home now and enjoy my quiet house."
I also like to hang out with the people that work with me. It is a great chance to get to know people at church. I think that if people say, "I wasn't able to meet anyone at church." Then for sure, they aren't serving anywhere. If you serve, you will make friends. I hate trying to socialize in the big foyer, but I love talking to the people I work with in the nursery.
Also it is a good chance to put things in perspective. Even when I am working (during the school year), and I think what I am doing is so important, it puts things into the right framework when I go to church and serve. It makes me feel like my life has purpose. And I always hear people's stories and realize that I have a lot to be thankful for and that other people have problems that I should be praying about.
And now my list of other petty things that make me happy:
2) Dog kisses
3) Scones with lemon butter frosting (I made some just for me today).
4) a cup of coffee (had that with the scone)
5) taking a walk with my husband
I could go on and on.
What are five things that make you happy?
Today I read a book (or most of the book, I will finish at bedtime) about a 17-year-old girl who got addicted to meth. Her dad was a retired LA police officer and he did all he could, along with his wife, to bring his daughter out of her addiction.
It left me feeling like 1) I need to do something about the meth addiction in this region. Christians seem to spend so much energy trying not to sin, instead of using their energy to do something good. 2) I am hoping that we go through with the adoption thing (maybe adopt a child whose life has been affected by meth). I am beginning to feel nervous that we will get pregnant and that would ruin my plan to adopt. I feel like Jeff would want to back track and not want to adopt ... and now I want to adopt. But really, honestly, I don't feel too nervous about getting pregnant.
Last night I was going through this workbook on adoption called Labor of Love and one of the things you were supposed to do was write a list of 5 things that make you happy. Then you were supposed to do one of those things right away and another one before you went to bed. I didn't, do that, but I just wanted you to know what the assignment was.
One thing that makes me feel good is serving at my church. I admit that a lot of the time I don't want to go when it's time. It's sort of like going to the gym... I know I should do it and when I do I feel good when I leave.
Right now I help out in the nursery two services a weekend. Then I help Jeff lead a study for new believers called Starting Point during one of the services. I love helping in the nursery. Someone once asked me if it was too painful to be with babies. My answer: "No, it's not."
I like cuddling with them. I like it when they know me and reach out for me. I also don't mind if they don't like me and they are hard to handle. Because then I end up going home and thinking, "That was hard. I'm going to go home now and enjoy my quiet house."
I also like to hang out with the people that work with me. It is a great chance to get to know people at church. I think that if people say, "I wasn't able to meet anyone at church." Then for sure, they aren't serving anywhere. If you serve, you will make friends. I hate trying to socialize in the big foyer, but I love talking to the people I work with in the nursery.
Also it is a good chance to put things in perspective. Even when I am working (during the school year), and I think what I am doing is so important, it puts things into the right framework when I go to church and serve. It makes me feel like my life has purpose. And I always hear people's stories and realize that I have a lot to be thankful for and that other people have problems that I should be praying about.
And now my list of other petty things that make me happy:
2) Dog kisses
3) Scones with lemon butter frosting (I made some just for me today).
4) a cup of coffee (had that with the scone)
5) taking a walk with my husband
I could go on and on.
What are five things that make you happy?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I have only been on summer break since Monday (it's Wednesday now) and already I have run out of things to do.
Thursday, 6/12: It was the last day of school and after the kids left I drank 1 1/2 cups of coffee to put myself in hyper-drive, finished the report cards and cumulative files, then I came home from school and cleaned the whole house. Caffeine really affects me.
Friday, 6/13: I finished cleaning up my classroom at school and came home to clean a little more to get ready for the last small group meeting of the season at our house. That was very fun and I found out my friend Rachael is pregnant. Congratulations, Rachael!
Saturday and Sunday: They are a haze. I know I went grocery shopping and I know I went to church. Beyond that I am not sure what I did. Oh, yes! It was Father's Day on Sunday. Jeff and I went over to Scott and Leslie's to celebrate Father's Day with Jeff's parents.
Monday, 6/16: I got to watch Jada, my niece, for 4 hours in the morning. We worked on a puzzle, colored quite a few pages in a coloring book, made snakes with playdough, I read her about 15 books, we went to Happy Valley Park to swing, we made towers with Duplo blocks and she showed me how she rides on her trike on the back patio.
Later, Jeff came home for lunch. Then I got ready for a couple to come over to our house for Marriage Mentoring.
Tuesday, 6/17: I got the oil changed in my Corolla. I took Boston, our almost 1-year-old Boston Terrier, on two walks. I had dear, sweet Cynthia Clother over to my house. I fixed her tea and shared cookies and fruit with her and she gave me advice about how to paint my house. I am super excited to get started, but I can't yet because we don't have the money to spend on paint until July (we are trying to save the rest of our June money for fun times at the beach next week). And I shared with her how Jeff and I are planning on adopting children. That was good. She is a good listener.
Wednesday, 6/18: There is nothing on my calendar.
So this morning I figured I better get my money's worth out of my gym membership. I went there for an hour and I read Lucky magazine on the Precor. Then I lifted some weights. Then I jogged for 10 minutes. I figured I better ease myself back into jogging. That only took an hour.
I dropped off some items at Goodwill and went to the Learning Palace to use a gift card that I got from the PTA. I bought needed items for September and next year's class.
I also stopped by the library. There were so many people there. Wow! There was a band singing songs for children, so it was a special event, but sheesh, the parking lot was packed.
I know that lately surveys have been saying that less and less people are reading. But I think with gas prices climbing (last night I read Newsweek magazine and a column predicted that gas prices will rise to $7/gallon by 2012) I think more and more people will be visiting the library.
I keep thinking of Emily Dickinson's poem about reading, "How frugal is the chariot that bears the human soul." So true Emily, books are cheap! I think everyone else has the same idea, too.
I got 8 books at the library and I already read one of them. It was called Kimmie66 and it was a comic book about a teenager who was living in the 23rd century. Her friend commits suicide and she is trying to figure out if the person that she only knows in virtual reality is truly dead. It was a little weird, but it kept my attention. Probably not the kind of thing most people would expect that I would read, but oh, well.
I signed up for the Adult Summer Reading program at the library. If I read 4-6 books, I will be entered to win a McMenamins gift certificate or the grand prize, a stay at the Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport. How do you think I'll do? I probably won't win the prize, but I will probably will finish 6 books. Here are the books I checked out:
X in Flight (about a boy who gets his wish that he would be able to fly)
The Greatest Presidential Stories Ever Told
Houseonomics: Why Owning a House is Still a Great Investment
Kathryn's Secret (a novel published by Multnomah Press)
Correction of Drift (the story of the Lindbergh's baby being kidnapped)
Loss of Innocence ( a memoir about a girl on meth and her father trying to help her)
Jimmy's Stars (a novel about a girl's brother who goes to fight in the Vietnam War)
... and I am already halfway through Safely Home. Rachael loaned it to me. It's about the persecution of Chinese Christians.
Next on the day's agenda, read my Bible, pray, write in my journal and write a children's book.
Oh, and maybe clean out the closet.
Thursday, 6/12: It was the last day of school and after the kids left I drank 1 1/2 cups of coffee to put myself in hyper-drive, finished the report cards and cumulative files, then I came home from school and cleaned the whole house. Caffeine really affects me.
Friday, 6/13: I finished cleaning up my classroom at school and came home to clean a little more to get ready for the last small group meeting of the season at our house. That was very fun and I found out my friend Rachael is pregnant. Congratulations, Rachael!
Saturday and Sunday: They are a haze. I know I went grocery shopping and I know I went to church. Beyond that I am not sure what I did. Oh, yes! It was Father's Day on Sunday. Jeff and I went over to Scott and Leslie's to celebrate Father's Day with Jeff's parents.
Monday, 6/16: I got to watch Jada, my niece, for 4 hours in the morning. We worked on a puzzle, colored quite a few pages in a coloring book, made snakes with playdough, I read her about 15 books, we went to Happy Valley Park to swing, we made towers with Duplo blocks and she showed me how she rides on her trike on the back patio.
Later, Jeff came home for lunch. Then I got ready for a couple to come over to our house for Marriage Mentoring.
Tuesday, 6/17: I got the oil changed in my Corolla. I took Boston, our almost 1-year-old Boston Terrier, on two walks. I had dear, sweet Cynthia Clother over to my house. I fixed her tea and shared cookies and fruit with her and she gave me advice about how to paint my house. I am super excited to get started, but I can't yet because we don't have the money to spend on paint until July (we are trying to save the rest of our June money for fun times at the beach next week). And I shared with her how Jeff and I are planning on adopting children. That was good. She is a good listener.
Wednesday, 6/18: There is nothing on my calendar.
So this morning I figured I better get my money's worth out of my gym membership. I went there for an hour and I read Lucky magazine on the Precor. Then I lifted some weights. Then I jogged for 10 minutes. I figured I better ease myself back into jogging. That only took an hour.
I dropped off some items at Goodwill and went to the Learning Palace to use a gift card that I got from the PTA. I bought needed items for September and next year's class.
I also stopped by the library. There were so many people there. Wow! There was a band singing songs for children, so it was a special event, but sheesh, the parking lot was packed.
I know that lately surveys have been saying that less and less people are reading. But I think with gas prices climbing (last night I read Newsweek magazine and a column predicted that gas prices will rise to $7/gallon by 2012) I think more and more people will be visiting the library.
I keep thinking of Emily Dickinson's poem about reading, "How frugal is the chariot that bears the human soul." So true Emily, books are cheap! I think everyone else has the same idea, too.
I got 8 books at the library and I already read one of them. It was called Kimmie66 and it was a comic book about a teenager who was living in the 23rd century. Her friend commits suicide and she is trying to figure out if the person that she only knows in virtual reality is truly dead. It was a little weird, but it kept my attention. Probably not the kind of thing most people would expect that I would read, but oh, well.
I signed up for the Adult Summer Reading program at the library. If I read 4-6 books, I will be entered to win a McMenamins gift certificate or the grand prize, a stay at the Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport. How do you think I'll do? I probably won't win the prize, but I will probably will finish 6 books. Here are the books I checked out:
X in Flight (about a boy who gets his wish that he would be able to fly)
The Greatest Presidential Stories Ever Told
Houseonomics: Why Owning a House is Still a Great Investment
Kathryn's Secret (a novel published by Multnomah Press)
Correction of Drift (the story of the Lindbergh's baby being kidnapped)
Loss of Innocence ( a memoir about a girl on meth and her father trying to help her)
Jimmy's Stars (a novel about a girl's brother who goes to fight in the Vietnam War)
... and I am already halfway through Safely Home. Rachael loaned it to me. It's about the persecution of Chinese Christians.
Next on the day's agenda, read my Bible, pray, write in my journal and write a children's book.
Oh, and maybe clean out the closet.
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