Being A Mom

So I am freaking out a little bit about the thought of starting work part-time in a month. My official start date is December 2nd. Vaguely I remember the days where I would ask Jeff for things to do to keep me occupied. And just about every day I had my to-do list finished, and I still was not happy. Why? Because I didn't have the privilege of being a mom.

Now I am a mom. And I finally have little children to put to bed, give baths, read books to, cart around at Target, and play with. I am very thankful for them. I actually feel like right now, on leave, I still have things pretty well organized and running smoothly.

I am nervous because yesterday I went back to work for one day and came home feeling very anxious. I am freaking out that I am not going to like my class, school, job-sharing and the mess that will be left at home and at school. I am beginning to wonder if I have a little OCD about me. Is this normal?

My mom came over to watch the kids. They didn't seem to mind at all me being gone all day. I think they had more fun with my mom then they did with me. I actually don't mind the thought of them spending the day with her. I think it is kind of nice for me to get a break. I guess it's where I am going that bothers me. There is a lot of stress involved in being a teacher. I come home feeling like my skin is crawling with tension. Then my kids are not the kind of kids that are always the easiest to deal with. You need to have your reserve of patience pretty well stored up. The kids I will be teaching at school are not the easiest to deal with either ... My goal now is to pray about it. God has been faithful at each leg of my journey. If I just pay attention to the blessings (and troubles) in my lap today, I feel pretty good. It's when I start trying to look a month ahead that's when I get into trouble.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

May 20th-- A Big Day for Me This Year (and not because it's my birthday)

Jeff and I have been chosen for committee to adopt two little girls: One is 2 1/2 and one is 10 months old. The committee date for the girls is May 20th. We have also been chosen for committee to adopt two little boys who are 2 and 4 years old. But we won't know the committee date for the boys until about May 20th. So if we are not selected for the girls, we have a chance with the boys.

Hopefully God will give me grace and peace if we are not selected. Our odds are one in three, there are two other couples being considered by this committee of neutral parties.

I have been wrestling lately with giving up my job. My plan is to either take a one-year leave of absence and not work at all. The other alternative is to take a one-year leave of absence from 0.5 of my position, so I would job share. This means that I would be moved to another school and possibly another grade. My mom has agreed to watch the kids we adopt on the days that I would work, which would be a huge blessing.

All of this giving up requires a lot of faith. We don't know that we are going to get the boys or the girls, yet I need to give up my position so that I can have the opportunity to job share next year. Yikes! Talk about stepping off a ledge.

Whenever I see people they ask me if I have any news, but I don't. I have to wait until May 20th. At least light is there at the end of the tunnel.