Trips to Seaside and Roseburg

Have you ever had a vacation where you don't have a plan? Jeff and I usually take vacations where every moment is planned. Not so this time.

We went to Seaside, OR and stayed in a house generously loaned to us by a couple from the church. We brought games, we took walks, we read, we ate out and we enjoyed cable television. Since we don't have cable at home, that was a big perk. The house was tastefully coordinated in a beach appropriate theme. It had a backyard that Boston absolutely loved. It made me more serious about trying to save money for a down payment on a house that has a yard. It's always something, isn't it?

We had a really good time. One of the best parts was that Jeff's brother, Scott; his wife, Leslie; and little Jada met us on Saturday. Then his parents met us Saturday night bringing a tasty array of snacks. We had a nice time enjoying the great weather at the beach. Since there was a heat wave going on in Portland it was nice to be away from our un-air conditioned townhouse.

Then we came back on Monday. I had an interview for a job at the City of Gresham as a program technician. I didn't get the position, but to be completely honest, I feel like I sabotaged the interview a bit. However, I think that they probably had someone who was a better fit for the position. Even though it would be nice to have made a little more money this summer, I am glad that I will have time to help my mom paint her cupboards and also a little time for me to paint my walls, too.

On Tuesday, I headed down to Wilbur, OR where my grandparents live to see Nanny, Papa and my mom. My mom goes down one week a month to work as a hair stylist. She has clients down there because she lived there for about 6 years before she moved to Portland. It was nice to see my grandma and grandpa. I feel like my time with them is very special. This year my grandma had some health problems and I was afraid we might lose her. So time is precious.

My grandma spoiled me. How? She paid for me to have a pedicure with in Sutherlin and she took me to breakfast twice. While I was there I also saw my Uncle Donald (he is my grandma's brother). He also is not doing well. He is a diabetic and is having all kinds of problems. One of them is an infection on his foot, which may mean he could lose a leg. I have lost my hearing in one ear, and that was pretty frustrating. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to lose a foot.

I found out some things about my family that I didn't realize before this trip. First of all, I didn't realize that my grandma and grandpa had brought a little girl into their family as a foster child. I remember seeing pictures of her in the family photo album. And now I finally know who she was. It was nice to hear from my grandma about her experience being a foster parent. She said she would have adopted Marianne if she could have, but Marianne went back to her mom.

Then I also found out that Michael, my uncle Donald's son, was adopted from Korea. I don't know why I didn't realize this before. Donald is white, his ex-wife Yo, was Japanese. I assumed that Michael was a their child. I talked with Donald about adopting today. He said it was a heart-breaking experience for him. Michael was a loving and affectionate child, but at age 11 he started taking drugs. I know that Michael also was in jail and Michael is dead now. I asked Uncle Donald if he would have adopted again if he had the opportunity to do it all over again. He said, "That is a hard question. I think I would think about it a lot more."

I also learned about my mom's cousin, Jodi, who also adopted two kids from the state. My mom said one of the children turned out fine, but one of them ended up molesting other children -- one of the younger cousins in the family. Now they have to supervise this boy and keep watch so he doesn't hurt other children. Yikes. That would be absolutely horrible.

I asked my mom what she thought I should do. Her advice: Don't do anything until you know that God wants you to do it. And also: Seek God. She thought maybe I didn't get the job because God wants me to have time to seek him.

Good advice, I think.

I think I have been pushing Jeff a little too hard, because I want a baby now, now, now. Whenever we have a conversation, I tend to drive it babyward. So, I need to be patient. I need to pray for God's leading on Jeff's heart (Jeff already asked me to do pray for him, now I just need to do it). Because if Jeff and I are on the same page, surely it is God's leading.

On Monday before we left for Seaside, Jeff and I had a meeting with a new doctor at OHSU. She's not really a new doctor. She treated me when I had a miscarriage last fall and she went above and beyond the call of duty to comfort, reassure and find answers for me. So we decided to switch from a previous doctor to her.

We went to her to ask her what our chances are, what our problem is, what the next steps would be, et cetera. She said it is not Jeff alone. She suggested a test that we could take. She said the problem is unexplained infertility. She suggested that we could do a couple more rounds of clomid plus progesterone. So that is what we are doing.

Today is Day 1 in my cycle. I got my period right after I enjoyed a delicious breakfast of crepes with mixed berry compote, apple sausage and scrambled eggs (and a cup of coffee -- hopefully my last during this new cycle). I called in my prescription for clomid today and I will start taking it this Monday.

I told Jeff on the way to the beach that I was done trying to get pregnant, but he said, "I'm not."
I am amazed at our ability to hope despite setbacks in the past. We will also be taking our adoption classes this month and continuing to fill out our paperwork. I pray that God will do his will to guide and direct our steps.